Wednesday, November 02, 2005

i need some change

well....things are the same at work. some okay days and some days that make me want to harpoon your mother. Those days I stay away from people whenever possible so i won't harpoon them...I know, that sounds bad, but i don't think it will ever happen...i like your mom...
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anyway, i'm really needing some change right now...of course living in a wilderness area and having a girlfriend and leaving the country for a couple months would be a great way to change things up, i'm talking about smaller changes....i don't feel older or more mature than i did when i started college. sure, i have a job, an apartment, and a degree, but i don't feel any wiser or experienced in life. i have no discipline in tidyness despite all the chores i grew up having to do. I know how to clean, but i just don't care...i have horrible eating habits (either nothing or fast food for breakfast and lunch)..sometimes i get a decent dinner via TND and Grace Cafe, and occasionally eating out other than fast food...i have reallized food and/or lack thereof directly affects my mood and health..of course health. I am in the worst shape of my life..although i'm still like a cheetah in short sprints (older possibly injured cheetah), I lose my energy in about 5 minutes.....like when i played basketball the other night and started seeing grey spots and vision was going within 5 minutes of playing...it's ridiculous..

anyway, i need to make some changes...i know marriage must force maturity to rise a couple levels so i have a disadvantage there, but i can make some better choices in my personal habits. I really need to make breakfast..either eat cereal or actually turn on the stove and make an egg and some bacon or something....I even bought coffee today...i need to make lunch and dinner more often...but it is very difficult to cook for one person...i don't like leftover too much..i need a few days in between eating the same thing twice.

I need to get back into shape. I don't wanna pass out playing ball with guys twice my size running circles around me...it's bad..real bad...running is boring, and so it lifting weights....so i need to play sports or something....

I need to clean my dang room...my drawers are empty and my floor is full...at least the living room is clean sometimes..and the bathroom get cleaned for company.

I also need to increase my spiritual discipline....i hardly ever read the bible...and when i do, i'm always hurrying myself so i can do something else instead. i need to pray more....for more than just my needs and wants.

anyway, as you see, i need to change a lot..i want to be someone who is admired for their balance of maturity and humor....who is disciplined enough to make good decisions with food, money, and time....who gets stuff done...even outside of paid work.

i need prayers..no seriously....i need joy...i need happiness...i like those things..but most the day i spend irritated and have said things i shalt not say(believe it or not)

so this has become almost a confession of my life...despite the great friends and family, and possessions, and gifts and experiences i have had, there is still more to gain for a more satifying life..

I'm not saying that I'm completely lost and hopeless, and that my life is going down the toilet...There are many things in my life that i'm lucky to have...There are things i love about me, and I have talents, and discipline of many things. I just want to be more than i am....i'm tired now...goodnight.

5 comments:

Heather said...

Just take it one step at a time. When you think about all of that, you get bogged down. Start with breakfast!
Also remember that resistance makes us strong.

rc_422 said...

Hey, everyone gets stuck sometimes. It sounds like you have identified the things that you would like to change. Now you need to pray. God will give you maturity, a new job, and better health. You just have to ask Him.

But remember, you have to hold up your end of the deal by working toward maturity (through your thoughts, decisions, and actions), sending resumes to jobs you want, and excercising and developing healthy eating habits.

Oh, and I think that most single people will agree with you about not having the motivation for cooking a healthy meal for one person.

As for spiritual growth, well, that is a circle and you have to just jump in and stay dedicated. Reading the Bible leads to understanding, which leads to prayer, which leads to maturity, which leads to increased faith, which leads to reading the Bible. Once you choose a starting place, then make a decision to dedicate yourself to it. Everything else will follow, and you will be amazed at how God blesses you.

Joy and happiness is found through God, not a girlfriend or other changes in your life.

God is constantly teaching us; we have to choose to learn and to change. (Illustration: 1 & 2 Kings, 1 & 2 Chronicles)

Heather said...

You didn't get a lot of replies on this one, did you? I think it's because you threatened to harpoon our mothers.

Kara Sheets said...

Adam,

I wanted you to know that I will pray for you when I think about it. And I also wanted to say that I can identify with the need for more discipline in all the areas you mentioned from more Bible study to less clothes on the floor.
There are times when I find myself longing for more joy or I guess feeling incompetent due to a lack of discipline. I will say that I join you in this struggle , and that I know you to be a caring copassionate and sneakily funny man.

Zach Sheets

Darrin Brown said...

Adam. I will pray for you if you will return the favor and pray for me. I think we need to visit and compare notes. :) However, you could come work where I do and deal with morons that call in saying their fax is dead and you get there to find that they have unhooked the phone line to it because they just got wireless internet and because of the wireless internet they thought the phone line was unnecessary... DUH....

Being single doesnt help matters because there is no one to ever talk to so you just keep everything to yourself until it all boils over.

Like on Dumb and Dumber. One of these days we will get our break. We just have to keep our eyes open.!!