well....things are the same at work. some okay days and some days that make me want to harpoon your mother. Those days I stay away from people whenever possible so i won't harpoon them...I know, that sounds bad, but i don't think it will ever happen...i like your mom...
anyway, i'm really needing some change right now...of course living in a wilderness area and having a girlfriend and leaving the country for a couple months would be a great way to change things up, i'm talking about smaller changes....i don't feel older or more mature than i did when i started college. sure, i have a job, an apartment, and a degree, but i don't feel any wiser or experienced in life. i have no discipline in tidyness despite all the chores i grew up having to do. I know how to clean, but i just don't care...i have horrible eating habits (either nothing or fast food for breakfast and lunch)..sometimes i get a decent dinner via TND and Grace Cafe, and occasionally eating out other than fast food...i have reallized food and/or lack thereof directly affects my mood and health..of course health. I am in the worst shape of my life..although i'm still like a cheetah in short sprints (older possibly injured cheetah), I lose my energy in about 5 minutes.....like when i played basketball the other night and started seeing grey spots and vision was going within 5 minutes of playing...it's ridiculous..
anyway, i need to make some changes...i know marriage must force maturity to rise a couple levels so i have a disadvantage there, but i can make some better choices in my personal habits. I really need to make breakfast..either eat cereal or actually turn on the stove and make an egg and some bacon or something....I even bought coffee today...i need to make lunch and dinner more often...but it is very difficult to cook for one person...i don't like leftover too much..i need a few days in between eating the same thing twice.
I need to get back into shape. I don't wanna pass out playing ball with guys twice my size running circles around me...it's bad..real bad...running is boring, and so it lifting weights....so i need to play sports or something....
I need to clean my dang room...my drawers are empty and my floor is full...at least the living room is clean sometimes..and the bathroom get cleaned for company.
I also need to increase my spiritual discipline....i hardly ever read the bible...and when i do, i'm always hurrying myself so i can do something else instead. i need to pray more....for more than just my needs and wants.
anyway, as you see, i need to change a lot..i want to be someone who is admired for their balance of maturity and humor....who is disciplined enough to make good decisions with food, money, and time....who gets stuff done...even outside of paid work.
i need prayers..no seriously....i need joy...i need happiness...i like those things..but most the day i spend irritated and have said things i shalt not say(believe it or not)
so this has become almost a confession of my life...despite the great friends and family, and possessions, and gifts and experiences i have had, there is still more to gain for a more satifying life..
I'm not saying that I'm completely lost and hopeless, and that my life is going down the toilet...There are many things in my life that i'm lucky to have...There are things i love about me, and I have talents, and discipline of many things. I just want to be more than i am....i'm tired now...goodnight.